Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
