I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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