I'm gonna have a badass scar
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
