Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
honey bunches of taint.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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