just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
