i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
