Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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