Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
