What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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