In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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