Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
