Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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