I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
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If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
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I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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