Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
