I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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