this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You're a waste of cheezeits
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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