Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
