we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
