i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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