roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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