Are you still at the party or did I leave?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
This toilet bowl is my home.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
