That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
