would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
