Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
