whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
