Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
