are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
