Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
