I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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