I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Randomize
