I just threw up on my dentist
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
