I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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