I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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