Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Randomize
