are you so shy because you have an std?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
