laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
