I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
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battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
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I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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