Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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