When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
