Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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