I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
