I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
