How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
