I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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