I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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