I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
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Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
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There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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