is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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