So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
