I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
