i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
