she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
