Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
