I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
