I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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