i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
