My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
