If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
