i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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