omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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