just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
