I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize