could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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