Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
someone owes me an orgasm
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
