Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Sponge bath it is.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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