New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
