Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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