it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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