Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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