So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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