I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
