After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The uberlube is also flammable
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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