why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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