Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
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I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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