First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
