The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
