Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
