A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize