My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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