you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
