please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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