i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
